There was a tightening knot in my stomach and my heart was beating so loudly that I could feel each pulse in my ears. It was cool in my apartment, but a thin layer of sweat had developed on my forehead. I managed to dial the phone, but as it began to ring, I almost ended the call. I wanted to throw my cell phone across the room.
“They would think I was crazy,” I thought. “I should be able to handle these thoughts and feelings on my own,” I told myself. These thoughts, and others like them were interrupted when someone answered, “CCSU Wellness Services. How can I help you?”
I explained to the woman who answered that I had been diagnosed with depression seven years ago, saw a therapist, and was on an antidepressants for a couple of years, but had not been in counseling in a while. The depression had returned in the last few weeks. I told her that I should probably speak with a counselor or something, but that I didn’t know if that was anything the school could help me with. They definitely could help, she told me, and asked if I could come in later that day. That did not work for me, and she asked about the next day, which I could do. She scheduled me to come in, told me I would be asked to fill out a little bit of paperwork in the Health Office in the Marcus White Annex, and that then I would have an appointment with a counselor.
“Thanks so much,” I said. I hung up, and took the deepest breath I had taken in what seemed like forever. After a three-minute phone call, I had an appointment to speak with a counselor in less than 24 hours.
I am Not Alone
As a college student in need of mental health services, I am nowhere near alone. A recent survey conducted by the Association for University and College Counseling Center Directors of 529 colleges throughout the nation found that the need for such services has increased steadily in recent years. The results were published in March 2017 by Inside Higher Ed. The 2017 annual report from the National Council on Disability came to the same conclusion.
Across Connecticut, this trend can be seen in the rise of college-age students, between 18 and 22 years old, that hospitals are seeing for psychiatric reasons. Trinity Health, which includes Saint Francis Hospital of Hartford and two other healthcare centers in Connecticut, has experienced increased numbers of such patients in their emergency rooms, as inpatient admissions, and as patients held for psychiatric observation.
It is in this atmosphere of rising demand for mental health services that Central finds itself. There was a 49 percent increase in the number of students who received counseling services, from 417 to 622 unique visitors, from the 2014-‘15 school year to 2015-‘16, the most recent years for which complete data is available. “The demand for counseling services has increased each year I have been here,” said Dr. Shannon Jackson, associate director of Student Wellness Services for Counseling, who is in his fourth year working at CCSU.
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Anxiety, Depression Increasing
As the number of students seeking help from his office has increased, Jackson says that the primary reason students come looking for counseling is anxiety, followed by depression. This reflects what is happening throughout the country, as well as what is being seen at hospitals in Connecticut. Central is currently trying to balance this rising need for student mental health services with constraints on the amount and extent of services they can provide. These limitations include decreased staffing, shrinking budgets, and slow transitions from old to new websites, as well as office space.
The mental health of students at CCSU falls under the auspices of Student Wellness, which is broken into three divisions, each with its own separate webpage and separate office in different buildings. The three divisions are Health Services (located in the Marcus White Annex), Counseling (located in Marcus White Hall), and Wellness Education (located in Carroll Hall). This separation is only temporary, according to Wellness Services staff, and the website is “under construction” at the moment, with a new all-encompassing webpage coming in a “relatively short period of time.” All of the wellness services offices will eventually be consolidated under one roof with the construction of the new building that will replace Willard and Diloretto.
Dr. Jackson pointed to the construction as one of the limitations currently faced by Wellness Services. “There is a huge space crunch on campus right now,” Jackson said. “It is hard to find space for groups.”
The Need is Great
Jonathan Pohl, Ph.D. the coordinator for Wellness Education on Campus, discussed the current state of campus mental health in a recent interview. He described the need for mental health resources for students as “quite great,” and concurred with Jackson in saying that anxiety and depression are among the biggest issues. He added that relationships are often problematic for students as well, to the point of affecting their mental health.
Pohl says CCSU strives to make workshops, groups, and one-on-one counseling options available to all Central students.
Read more: When it Comes to Suicide Prevention, Ask This Question
A Sliver of Optimism
I opted for one-on-one counseling. I felt nervous walking into the health office the day after I called, but that feeling was mixed with a little bit of hope. This sliver of optimism felt new and fresh. I hadn’t sensed anything like it in a long time. After I filled out the standard personal and contact information, I read the question on the form that asked why I felt the need to seek counseling.
After a brief pause, I began to write what I had not shared with anyone, but what had grown to dominate my thoughts. I was terrified about the future because I had no idea what I was going to do after graduation in a couple of months, and I had grown disillusioned with my major, thinking I should have chosen something more practical. A long-term relationship had just come to an end. Papers and other assignments had piled up as the semester was concluding, and even though I have excelled academically in the past, I was nagged by the fear that I would fail. I had lost energy and the enthusiasm to do the things I had always loved doing, like hiking and fishing and camping. I felt an overwhelming sense that nothing would work out, so there was no point.
Once these feelings that had previously existed only in my head began to flow out of me, as I wrote, sitting there in the health office, they seemed to lose a little bit of their weight. I knew that I was in the right place and that getting help was the right thing to do.
I quickly filled the allotted space, and began to write in the margin, when I realized I should just finish the rest of the paperwork and proceed to my appointment to speak with someone. The receptionist told me to head over to Carroll Hall, to my counselor’s office.
During the short walk to Carroll through the crisp and gusty fall air, with paperwork in hand, I began feeling apprehensive again, thinking the same thoughts I had the day before, as the phone call was ringing through to the health center. “You don’t need to be doing this. All of these other students you’re walking past can handle things, so why can’t you? They are going to see you’re nuts and weak, and they are probably going to put you in a psych ward, which will only make everything worse. Just turn away and take care of everything yourself,” I told myself.
Warm, Welcoming
But I knew I could not take care of everything myself. It was listening to thoughts like this that had gotten me to where I was now. It seemed almost impossible to see any hope in anything, and I was struggling just to keep putting one foot in front of the other each day. Again, I pushed through these thoughts, and when I opened the door to Carroll, I took a breath like the one I had taken the day before when I got off the phone after scheduling this appointment. That made it two hopeful breaths within a day of each other. I couldn’t remember the last time I felt hopeful. That was enough to keep me going.
I sat down in the counselor’s office, which was warm and welcoming, and the look in his eyes when he asked me what brought me there and what he could do to help gave me the distinct impression that this man that I had never met before genuinely cared about the crippling struggles I had been going through. I shared about how everything seemed to be getting heavier and heavier as the pressure of the future increased with every day that passed. I told him how much it hurt that a two-year relationship had recently crashed to an end.
All of the fears of failure and the unknown, along with the doubts about myself and everything else came pouring out of me. He listened and gave feedback and suggestions. He let me know about the different ways Wellness Services might be able to help. He let me know that I could meet with him each week, if I wanted, and he gave me the name of an off-campus therapist I could consider seeing if I preferred. He told me that there was only so much that his office could do, but he assured me he would do anything within his ability to provide me with the help I needed.
I left his office with another appointment scheduled for the next week.
A Clearer Perspective
That one meeting did not fix everything. The papers still needed to be written. I still needed to take the necessary steps to figure out what I would do once I graduate. The relationship was still over. However, I had a little clearer perspective on it all. It was not all one unfixable mess. One thing at a time, with a little bit of help, reminding myself that I am not alone, I could move forward with the weight of it all lessened a little bit.
Providing that kind of support and perspective is just one of the goals of mental health services currently being offered at Central, which includes several new initiatives introduced on campus this year.
Pohl, the coordinator for wellness education, says those new initiatives include increased suicide prevention efforts, and groups specifically geared towards seniors who are struggling with the stress of transitioning out of college. These new initiatives have coincided with decreased staffing, which has slowed efforts to better provide mental health services to students on campus. Pohl described the need for additional staff as “a rather high priority.”
Struggling With Limitations
Dr. Jackson, the associate director of Student Wellness Services for Counseling, also said lack of staffing is an issue when it comes to Central trying to meet the mental health needs of students. Currently, there are two full-time counselors, one half-time counselor, and both Jackson and Pohl spend some of their time counseling students along with their administrative duties. Because of the limitations placed on their department, they are not able to accomplish all that they wish they could do.
“From the standpoint of providing the breadth and kinds of services we want to, we are not currently staffed to support that,” Dr. Jackson said. Then, he added, “Are we meeting the needs of students, from a basic safety standpoint? Yes. Because that is what we prioritize.”
Dr. Jackson said they prioritize students experiencing “homicidal or suicidal thoughts, as well as students who have experienced a psychic break with reality.” When this is the case with a student, they are transported to a local hospital for evaluation, and other departments become involved. When a student misses class because of a mental health emergency, Interim Director of Student Disabilities Services Carol Savelle said that her department works in conjunction with Student Affairs to come up with what she referred to as an “individualized resolution process,” where all of the unique factors involved with the specific student are weighed, and they come up with the best possible support plan.
A Matter of Life or Death
Pohl said CCSU students should make the most out of the resources that are available, and he said that the most effective way for this to happen is for everyone on campus to play an active role in campus mental health. He said that the best way for students to do this is to look for and learn about mental health resources on campus by becoming familiar with the Wellness Services web resources, and by stopping by wellness tables when they are set up in the student center to pick up information. He urged students to get help when problems start to emerge, rather than waiting until it’s an emergency.
Dr. Jackson also emphasized the importance of students becoming aware of and connecting to mental health resources on campus. “I believe the vast majority of college students across the country who end their lives are not connected with their school’s counseling center,” he said, meaning that linking students with mental health services can literally be a life or death matter. If a student struggles with mental health issues, they are not alone, and even though they are not perfect, resources are available on campus to provide the help they need.
If you are suicidal, or know someone who is, call the National Suicide Prevention Hotline at 1-800-273-8255 or visit https://suicidepreventionlifeline.org/ and hit the “chat” button for immediate help.